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Sympathy messages

How to respond to condolences

You do not have to reply to every condolence, and nobody expects long answers. A few words are enough: "Thank you, that means a lot," or "Thank you for thinking of Dad." For flowers, meals and help, a short thank-you note later is customary; for messages and comments, a simple reply or a single public thank-you is fine.

Updated · Editorial lead: Jean-Claude Fatemian

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Hands writing a note on a white card next to an envelope on a wooden table
On this page

The examples on this page were written for TributePen. The people, names and details in them are invented: use them as a starting point, never as someone's real story.

In person

At the visitation or funeral, many people will say "I'm sorry" in a few seconds. You only need a few words back.

Receiving line

simple

Thank you so much for coming. It means a lot.

For the receiving line · 10 words · 45 characters
Why it works: short enough to repeat a hundred times. Make it yours: add the person's name if you know them.

They knew them

simple

Thank you. He talked about you often. I'm so glad you're here.

For someone who knew the deceased well · 12 words · 62 characters
Why it works: it gives the visitor something precious in return. Make it yours: only if it is true.

By text

Text reply

simple

Thank you, Sarah. I'll call when things settle down. Your message meant a lot.

For a text from a friend · 14 words · 78 characters
Why it works: acknowledges and postpones the conversation. Make it yours: no need to reply right away.

Short text

simple

Thank you for your kind words.

For a text from an acquaintance · 6 words · 30 characters
Why it works: complete and polite. Make it yours: add "for thinking of Mom" if you want.

By email

Colleague

simple

Thank you for your kind message about my father. I'm grateful for the team's support and will be back in touch next week.

For an email from a colleague · 23 words · 121 characters
Why it works: gracious and practical. Make it yours: mention your return date if known.
A rural U.S. mailbox on a wooden fence post
A rural U.S. mailbox on a wooden fence post.

On social media

Public thank-you

warm

Thank you all for the kind messages about Mom. We've read every one, and they have carried us this week. Service details are in the comments.

For a single public thank-you post · 26 words · 141 characters
Why it works: one post answers hundreds of comments. Make it yours: you can like comments instead of replying to each.

Comment reply

simple

Thank you, Mike. She always loved seeing you at the lake.

For a reply to a comment · 11 words · 57 characters
Why it works: a small memory makes a short reply personal. Make it yours: only for people you want to answer individually.

On behalf of your family

Often one person answers for everyone: the eldest child, the spouse, the sibling who is on social media. Saying so in the first words tells people the thanks comes from the whole family, and spares the others from answering the same message.

On behalf of my family

formal

On behalf of my family, thank you for your condolences and for your kind words about my father. Knowing how many people he touched has been a real comfort to my mother. With gratitude, Daniel Reyes

For a reply to a condolence card or letter · 36 words · 197 characters
Why it works: it says who is speaking, thanks the person, and passes on what their words did for the family. Make it yours: name the family member who was most touched, if it is true.

For all of us

simple

Thank you for your condolences. I shared your message with my mom and sisters, and we are all grateful you thought of us.

For a reply to a colleague or acquaintance · 23 words · 121 characters
Why it works: "I shared your message" tells the sender their words reached the whole family. Make it yours: use it by email or text, for people you know less well.

From all of us

warm

On behalf of the whole Larsen family, thank you for the messages, calls and memories you have shared about Grandma Inga. We are reading them together in the evenings, and they are helping more than you know.

For a public reply written for the whole family · 37 words · 207 characters
Why it works: one message that the whole family can stand behind, with a quiet picture of what the messages are doing. Make it yours: ask the others before posting in their name.

For cards, flowers, meals and help

These are usually acknowledged with a short handwritten note a few weeks later. See funeral thank-you notes for wording by situation. Family or friends can help write and address them.

When you cannot answer

It is fine not to reply at all for a while. If messages overwhelm you, ask a friend to answer calls or to post a note saying the family is grateful and will reply later.

Common questions

What do you say when someone says "I'm sorry for your loss"?

"Thank you" is enough. You can add "That means a lot" or "Thank you for coming," but nobody expects more.

Do you have to reply to every condolence message?

No. People understand that a grieving family cannot answer everyone. Reply when you can, and consider a single thank-you post or email to everyone.

How do you say thank you for condolences on behalf of the family?

"On behalf of my family, thank you for your kind words and for thinking of us." Add one detail if you can, such as what their message meant or a memory they shared, and sign with your name so they know who is writing for everyone.

How do you thank people for condolences on social media?

A single post thanking everyone for their messages is enough, for example "Thank you all for the kind words about Mom. We have read every one."

Related guides

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