Eulogy
How to Write a Eulogy
A eulogy is a short speech that tells the people at a funeral who the person was, through a few true stories. Most last three to five minutes, about 420 to 700 words. Start with an image of them, say who you are, tell one to three stories, name what they leave behind, and end with a goodbye.
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On this page
The examples on this page were written for TributePen. The people, names and details in them are invented: use them as a starting point, never as someone's real story.
What a eulogy is for
A eulogy is not a biography and not a performance. It is a few minutes in which the people in the room, who each knew a different piece of the person, see them whole again for a moment. The best eulogies are specific: a kitchen, a phrase, a habit, a night that nobody forgot. Adjectives like "kind" and "generous" become true for the room only when a story shows them.
Before writing, find out three practical things from the officiant or funeral director: how long you have, when you speak in the order of service, and who else is speaking, so that you do not all tell the same story.
The five-part structure
Most eulogies that work move through the same five steps. You can fill them in with the free eulogy outline builder, or start from the fill-in-the-blank eulogy template.
- An opening image. One picture of the person that everyone will recognize. "If you ever called Dad before seven in the morning, you know he was already in the garage." Skip "We are gathered here today."
- Who you are. Your name and your relationship, in a sentence or two. If you speak for the family, say so.
- One to three stories. Specific moments, each with a place, a time and a detail. This is the heart of the eulogy.
- What they leave behind. What those stories say about them, and what continues in the people present.
- A goodbye. A few words spoken directly to them, then thanks to those who came, if that is your role.
Build your eulogy outline in five steps
Fill in the five boxes: your draft comes together below, with its length. Everything stays in your browser.
How long a eulogy should be
At a steady speaking pace of 140 words per minute, a three-minute eulogy is about 420 words, five minutes about 700. Research on reading aloud puts the average adult at about 183 words per minute, but a eulogy is spoken slowly to a room, with pauses and emotion, so plan for fewer words than you think. Paste your draft into the eulogy length calculator and measure your own pace.
When several people speak, three minutes each is a kind rule. If you are the only speaker, you can go longer, but a short eulogy that is true is always better than a long one that wanders.
How to choose the stories
Write down every memory that comes, without judging, for ten minutes. Then choose by asking one question: which stories could only be about this person? A story about a birthday party could be about anyone; the story of the year she drove the neighbor's kids to school because their mother was sick could only be about her.
Talk to two or three people who knew a different side of them: a sibling, a coworker, an old friend. You are speaking for the room, and a story from another part of their life makes everyone feel included.
- A habit. Something they did every day or every year, and what it meant.
- A turning point. A decision, a move, a hard year, and how they handled it.
- A small kindness. Something they did for someone that nobody asked them to do.
A complete example
The garage light
warm≈ 1 min 46 sec read aloudIf you ever drove past my father's house before seven in the morning, you saw the garage light on. That was Frank Russo. By the time the rest of the street had coffee, he had already fixed something.
I'm Paul, his oldest son, and on behalf of my mother, my sisters and all of us, thank you for being here.
Dad grew up in Erie, Pennsylvania, left school at sixteen, and spent thirty-eight years repairing trucks for the city. He married my mother, Rose, in 1966. They had three children and seven grandchildren, and he knew the birthday of every one of them without a calendar.
There is one story I want to tell. When I was fifteen, I backed his truck into the mailbox. Not a little. I waited in my room for an hour for him to come up and yell. He never came up. The next morning, the garage light was on early, and there were two cups of coffee on the workbench. He handed me a hammer and said, "We're going to build a better one." We did. It is still standing.
That was my father. He did not lecture. He fixed things, and he let you help.
He leaves us his tools, which none of us know how to use properly, and something more useful: the habit of getting up early and making it right.
Dad, the garage light is off this morning. We'll take it from here. Thank you for everything.
For more complete eulogies, by relationship and tone, see eulogy examples and the pages for a mother, a father, a grandmother, a grandfather and a friend.
What to leave out
- The full résumé. Every job and address flattens a life. Keep two or three landmarks.
- Family conflict. A funeral is not the place to settle anything, even gently.
- Private details. Illness, money, relationships they kept private stay private.
- Clichés. "She's in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" can hurt people who do not share that belief. Say what you actually know.
- Inside jokes. If only three people will understand it, save it for the reception.
How to get through reading it
- Print it in a large font (16 to 18 point), double-spaced, with short paragraphs.
- Read it aloud four or five times. The lines that make you cry become easier each time.
- Mark a breath with a pencil before the hardest sentence.
- Give a copy to someone who can finish reading it for you if you need them to.
At the lectern, put down the pages, breathe, and look at one friendly face before you begin. If your voice breaks, stop. People wait. Nobody in that room wants anything from you except the truth about someone they loved.
If you are struggling to start
Grief makes writing hard, and there is no wrong way to begin. Try the outline builder, read how to start a eulogy for opening lines, or, if you would like help, we can write a first draft from your memories for $19.
Common questions
How long should a eulogy be?
Three to five minutes is the usual length, about 420 to 700 words at a steady pace of 140 words per minute. If you are the only speaker, seven or eight minutes can be fine. Always ask the officiant or funeral director how much time you have.
What should you not say in a eulogy?
Avoid anything that would embarrass the family or the person who died, old conflicts, private health details they did not share, inside jokes nobody else understands, and a long list of every job and address. Leave out the cause of death unless the family wants it mentioned.
Is it okay to use humor in a eulogy?
Yes, if it sounds like them and is kind. A funny story that shows who they were often brings relief to a grieving room. Avoid jokes at anyone's expense and check with close family if you are unsure.
What if I cry while reading the eulogy?
People expect it and will wait. Pause, breathe, take a sip of water, and continue. Give a printed copy to someone who can finish reading for you if you cannot.
Should I read the eulogy or memorize it?
Read it. Almost everyone does, and nobody expects a memorized speech at a funeral. Print it in a large font with short paragraphs, and look up at the end of each paragraph.
Sources
Related guides
- Eulogy examplesEight complete eulogies, in different tones, with notes.
- How to start a eulogySix ways to open, with fourteen first lines to adapt.
- How to end a eulogyClosing lines, religious and secular, and how to step down.
- Eulogy length calculatorHow long your text takes to read aloud, at your own pace.