- 30pages
- 150original inscriptions to choose from
- 7stone layouts and emails to adapt
- 10tables and worksheets
- 33checkboxes
How we check
Verified, page by page
- 108automatic checks run on the site before every update
- 8official .gov pages read and cited, on October 22 and 28, 2026
Reviewed by industry professionals.
- Primary sourcesThis guide is built from the guidance of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and the Federal Trade Commission.
- Every fact has its sourceEach guide lists the pages it relies on, with links, so you can check any point yourself.
- DatedSources read on October 22 and 28, 2026; each page shows when it was last updated.
What you will be able to do
- Ask the cemetery the right questions, in writing, before you spend anything: marker types allowed in the section, sizes, materials, foundation and setting fees, outside dealers, approval of the wording. A ready-to-send email is included.
- Order the wording the way monument dealers lay it out: names, nicknames, maiden names, suffixes and titles, full dates or years, the relationship line, the epitaph, the back of the stone.
- See the layouts of a single upright headstone, a companion stone with one spouse still living, a flat marker, a child's marker and the back of a stone, line by line.
- Check that every line fits, with a worked example, a line planner and a character grid to fill in with a pencil.
- Choose the words as a family: four places to look, three tests before deciding, what to do when the family disagrees, and 150 original inscriptions by relationship and by tone (faith words, short verse, plain words, their own words).
- Apply for a VA headstone, marker or medallion for a veteran, with what VA inscribes and what it does not.
- Check the dealer's proof with a 16-point sheet before anything is cut, and ask for corrections with a ready-made email.
Who it is for, and who it is not for
For you if you are choosing the words for a grave marker and want to get them right once, without rushing and without surprises from the cemetery.
Not for you if you are looking for a short list of sayings to browse: our free page on headstone inscriptions and epitaphs has short lists by relationship and faith.
What makes it different
Lists of epitaphs are easy to find; the practical steps around them are not. Monument dealers sell stones, cemeteries publish their own rules, and VA explains its benefit on several pages. This planner puts the whole file in one place, in the order a family needs it, from the first email to the cemetery to the proof signed by two people.
The complete table of contents
The real table of contents of the guide, with its page numbers.
- Before you choose a wordp. 5What usually goes on a stone · Who decides
- What to ask the cemetery, in writingp. 7Why in writing · The questions · When the stone is set
- The order of the wordingp. 9The usual order, top to bottom · Names · Dates · The relationship line · Faith and language
- Layouts for single, companion and flat markersp. 11Choosing the marker type
- Counting characters and linesp. 13How to count · A worked example · The line planner · The character grid · Making a line shorter
- Choosing the wordsp. 15Four places to look · Three tests before you decide · When the family does not agree · A note about grief
- Inscriptions by relationshipp. 16For a mother · For a father · For a husband or wife · For a couple, on a shared stone · For a grandparent · For a son or daughter · For a baby or young child · For a brother or sister · For a friend, or for anyone
- Inscriptions by tonep. 20Faith words · Verse · Plain words · Their own words · Scripture often chosen · Lines from public-domain poems
- The VA headstone or markerp. 23Who may be eligible · The choices · What VA inscribes · A spouse’s name on a veteran’s stone in a private cemetery · How to apply
- The proof and the orderp. 25Who checks it · The proof-check sheet · Questions for the monument dealer
- Worksheets to printp. 27The family’s choices · Favorite lines · The cemetery’s answers · The order tracker · Notes
- Sourcesp. 29
A look inside: real pages of the guide
In pictures
Illustrative photos, published by their authors under free licences.
The wording planner for a headstone or grave marker: what to ask the cemetery in writing, the order of names, dates and titles, layouts for single, companion and flat markers, a line-and-character grid, 150 original inscriptions by relationship and tone, the VA headstone process and a proof-check sheet.
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Common questions
Are the 150 inscriptions original?
Yes. They were written for the planner and numbered so the family can mark favorites and vote. A few King James verses and lines from public-domain poems are listed separately, with their reference, and are not counted in the 150.
Does the planner tell me how many letters fit on my stone?
No guide can, because it depends on the stone, the letter height and the lettering style. The planner tells you what to ask the monument dealer, then gives you a line planner and a character grid to check every line against the dealer's limit.
Does it cover the free VA headstone for a veteran?
Yes. A chapter summarizes VA's published rules on eligibility, the choice of headstone, marker or medallion, what VA inscribes and what needs approval, a spouse's name on a veteran's stone in a private cemetery, and how to send VA Form 40-1330, with the date the VA pages were read.
Does it recommend a monument dealer or give prices?
It recommends no dealer, cemetery or product and gives no prices, which vary by dealer and cemetery. It gives you the questions to ask so that every price and every fee is in writing before you sign.
Sources cited in the guide
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, "Veterans headstones and markers" (last updated December 15, 2025), read on October 22, 2026.
- VA National Cemetery Administration, "Headstone and Marker Inscriptions" (last updated May 5, 2026), read on October 28, 2026.
- VA National Cemetery Administration, "Types of Headstones, Markers, and Medallions", read on October 28, 2026.
- VA National Cemetery Administration, "Emblems of Belief", read on October 28, 2026.
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, "Government headstones and markers FAQs" (last updated June 10, 2024), read on October 28, 2026.
- U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, "Burial in a private cemetery", read on October 28, 2026.
- Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, "The FTC Funeral Rule", read on October 22, 2026.
- Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, "Buying a Cemetery Site", read on October 28, 2026.
- Hewson H., Galbraith N., Jones C., Heath G. (2024). The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review. Death Studies, 48(10), 1001-1014.
Related guides
- Monument inscriptions: how the wording is laid out on a stoneThe order of names, dates and epitaph on a monument, single or companion.
- Headstone inscriptions and epitaphsSayings for a mother, father, spouse or veteran, and practical rules.
- Arranging a Funeral, a PDF workbook for the familyYour rights, the price list line by line, and every decision of the arrangement meeting.
- Short funeral poemsTwo to eight lines for a card, a program or a memorial card.