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Sympathy messages

How to sign a sympathy card

Sign a sympathy card with a closing that matches how close you are, followed by a name the family will recognize. "With love" or "Thinking of you" suits friends and family, "With sympathy" or "With deepest sympathy" suits coworkers, neighbors and clients. If the family might not place you, add how you knew the person who died: "Dan Holt, who worked with your father at the plant."

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On this page

The examples on this page were written for TributePen. The people, names and details in them are invented: use them as a starting point, never as someone's real story.

The closing: match it to how close you are

The closing is the line just before your name. There is no single right one, and the family will not judge it; choose one you would say aloud to the person.

How close you areClosings that fit
Family, very close friendsWith all my love · Love always · Holding you close
FriendsWith love · Thinking of you · Sending love · Here for you
Coworkers, neighborsWith sympathy · With warm thoughts · Thinking of you
Clients, formal relationshipsWith deepest sympathy · With sincere condolences · Respectfully
A family of faith you shareWith prayers · Praying for you

Avoid closings that sound cheerful in another context, such as "Cheers" or "Best". "Sincerely" is correct but cool; "With sympathy" says more with the same distance.

The name: make sure they can place you

After a funeral, a family may read dozens of cards at once and write thank-you notes weeks later. A name they cannot place is a small worry they do not need.

  • Family and close friends: your first name is enough.
  • Friends of the family: first and last name.
  • People the family has never met: full name and how you knew the person who died.

Saying how you knew them

simple

With deepest sympathy,

Dan Holt, who worked with your father at Alder & Sons for twelve years

For a coworker the family has never met · 16 words · 93 characters
Why it works: the family can place the writer at once, and learns how long their father was known at work. Make it yours: "from the hospital", "from the book club", "his neighbor on Elm Street".

Signing for more than one person

SituationHow to sign
A coupleWith love, Anna and Mike (the closer friend first)
A family with childrenWith love, Anna, Mike, Ella and Sam Ruiz · or · The Ruiz family
A family the reader may not placeThe Ruiz family (Ella was in Maya's class)
A team at workWith sympathy from the accounting team, then each person signs
A club or a congregationYour friends from the Tuesday choir, then the names if there is room

A family signature

warm

Thinking of you all, with love,
Anna, Mike, Ella and Sam Ruiz
(Ella and Maya have been in class together since kindergarten)

For a family with young children · 22 words · 124 characters
Why it works: the whole family signs, and the last line tells a grieving parent exactly who is writing. Make it yours: let a child add their own name in their own handwriting.
Dried flowers and a handwritten tag on a rustic wooden table
Dried flowers and a handwritten tag on a rustic wooden table.

The office card

A card passed around an office is often the hardest to sign: the first people write long messages, the last ones find no room, and everyone hesitates over what to say to a coworker they do not know well.

  • Ask one person to write a short message at the top for everyone.
  • Each person adds one line and their full name, small enough to leave room.
  • Leave the card in one place with a pen, and a note with a date to have it finished by.
  • If the team is large, use two cards rather than squeezing.

A message for the whole team

simple

With sympathy from all of us on the third floor. We are thinking of you and your family, and we have everything covered here. Take all the time you need.

For the top of a team card · 30 words · 153 characters
Why it works: it speaks for everyone, takes away a worry about work, and leaves the individual lines short. Make it yours: use the name the team calls itself.

One line and a name

simple

So sorry about your mom. Thinking of you. Priya Desai

For an individual line under the team message · 10 words · 53 characters
Why it works: one warm line and a full name is all a team card needs from each person. Make it yours: add one detail if you have one ("I loved hearing about her garden").

Where to sign, and the small things

  • Sign under your message, on the right-hand page if the card has a printed verse on the left.
  • Write by hand, even if the verse says everything: one handwritten line is what people keep.
  • Put your return address on the envelope, so the family can send a thank-you note without searching.
  • Mention a gift in one line if you include one ("A little something for a takeout night"), so it is not lost.
  • Name a memorial donation without the amount: "A gift has been made in Tom's memory to the county library."

Before you sign: the message

The signature comes last; the message above it matters more. Three small pieces are enough: that you are sorry, one true detail about the person or about them together, and a line for the person you are writing to. Our page on what to write in a sympathy card explains it with examples, and short condolence messages has one-line versions. For a card at work, see sympathy messages for a coworker; for flowers, funeral flower card messages.

Common questions

What is the best way to sign a sympathy card?

A closing that matches how close you are ("With love", "Thinking of you", "With sympathy"), then your name as the family knows you. Add how you knew the person who died if the family might not place you.

Do you sign a sympathy card with "love"?

Yes, if you would say it to the person in other circumstances: family and close friends. For a coworker, a neighbor or a client, "With sympathy", "Thinking of you" or "With warm thoughts" fits better.

How do you sign a sympathy card from a couple?

Write both first names, usually the closer friend's first ("With love, Anna and Mike"). Add the last name if the family knows you less well.

How do you sign a group sympathy card at work?

One person writes a short message at the top for everyone ("With sympathy from all of us in accounting"), and each person adds one line and their full name below.

Should you write your last name on a sympathy card?

Yes, unless you are family or a very close friend. Grieving families receive many cards, and a first name alone can be hard to place weeks later when they write thank-you notes.

Related guides

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