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Eulogy

How to start a eulogy

Start with the person, not the occasion. The first sentence should bring them into the room, through an image, a phrase they used or a habit everyone knew. Then say who you are in one line, and thank people if you speak for the family.

Updated

On this page

The examples on this page were written for TributePen. The people, names and details in them are invented: use them as a starting point, never as someone's real story.

Why the first line matters

The room is full of people who are sad, distracted and waiting. A first line that brings the person into the room makes everyone listen. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of..." does the opposite: everyone already knows why they are there. Here are six ways to open, with examples you can adapt.

1. Open with their words

A saying they repeated, a way they answered the phone, a joke they told too often.

The phone

warm

Dad answered every phone call the same way: "Talk to me." For fifty years, people did.

For a daughter, for her father · 16 words · 86 characters
Why it works: the room hears his voice in the first second. Make it yours: use a phrase at least half the room will recognize.

Nonsense

uplifting

If Grandma Rita heard you complain, she said one word: "Nonsense." Then she made you a sandwich.

For a grandson, for his grandmother · 17 words · 96 characters
Why it works: gentle humor plus care, in two sentences. Make it yours: keep the second sentence, the action, as important as the saying.

2. Open with an image

A place, an object or a picture everyone can see in their mind.

The window

simple

If you drove down Maple Street any afternoon for thirty years, you saw my mother in the front window, reading, with a cup of tea she had forgotten to drink.

For a son, for his mother · 30 words · 156 characters
Why it works: a precise, ordinary picture feels intimate. Make it yours: choose a scene people actually witnessed.

The boat

lyrical

Most of my memories of Greg have water in them: the lake, the boat that barely ran, and Greg at the back of it, grinning, pretending that was on purpose.

For a friend, at a celebration of life · 30 words · 153 characters
Why it works: the image carries his personality before any adjective. Make it yours: one scene, told the way you see it.

3. Open with a habit

What they did every day, every week or every year.

Every Sunday at four

warm

Every Sunday at four, for as long as I can remember, my grandfather called each of his grandchildren. Nine calls. He kept a list by the phone in case he forgot anyone. He never did.

For a granddaughter · 35 words · 181 characters
Why it works: the detail of the list shows his care. Make it yours: a habit tells the room how the person loved.

4. Open with a small story

Start in the middle of a moment, then step back.

Midnight

simple

It was midnight, it was snowing, and my car had died on the highway. I called my brother. He didn't ask where I was. He asked, "Which exit?"

For a sister, for her brother · 28 words · 140 characters
Why it works: the room is inside a story from the first sentence. Make it yours: tell the rest of the story right after you introduce yourself.

5. Open with who they were to many people

Useful when the person had a public role: teacher, coach, pastor, nurse.

Three generations

formal

Mrs. Delgado taught fourth grade in this town for thirty-four years. Some families in this room had three generations in her classroom.

For a colleague, for a teacher · 22 words · 135 characters
Why it works: the room sees how many lives she touched without exaggeration. Make it yours: use numbers only if you have checked them.

Coach

formal

To the people of this town, he was Coach. To his players, he was the man who remembered their names twenty years later. To his family, he was Bill.

For a team member, for a coach · 29 words · 147 characters
Why it works: three circles of his life in three sentences. Make it yours: end on the name the family used.

6. Open with honesty

When the loss was sudden, or when you are struggling, simple honesty is a strong opening.

I don't have the words

simple

I have rewritten this ten times, and I still don't have the right words for Jenna. So I'm going to tell you three true things about her instead.

For a friend, after a sudden death · 28 words · 144 characters
Why it works: it gives the speaker permission to be imperfect, and the "three true things" give structure. Make it yours: then tell exactly three things, no more.

Standing here

warm

Linda would be very annoyed that I'm standing up here. She hated being the center of attention. So I'll be quick, and I'll tell you about her, not me.

For a husband, for his wife · 29 words · 150 characters
Why it works: it honors her personality while explaining the tone. Make it yours: only if it is true to them.

Then: who you are, and thank you

Right after the first line, introduce yourself in one sentence, and thank people if you speak for the family.

Introduction and thanks

simple

I'm Beth, Margaret's youngest daughter. On behalf of my father, my brothers and all of us, thank you for being here, and thank you to the nurses who cared for her this spring.

For speaking for the family · 33 words · 175 characters
Why it works: name, relationship and thanks in two sentences. Make it yours: name one group that helped; it means a great deal to them.

Friend's introduction

simple

My name is Sam. I was Eddie's friend for forty years, since third grade. Thank you to his family for letting me say a few words.

For speaking as a friend · 26 words · 128 characters
Why it works: a friend thanks the family rather than the room. Make it yours: say how you knew them, briefly.

Openings to avoid

  • "We are gathered here today..." Everyone knows; start with the person instead.
  • A dictionary definition of love, loss or a word.
  • A long quotation. If you use a poem or a verse, place it later, and make sure it matches their beliefs.
  • Apologizing at length for being nervous. One honest sentence is enough.

Once you have your opening, build the rest with the eulogy outline builder, and see how to end a eulogy for closing lines.

Common questions

What is a good first line for a eulogy?

A line that could only be about the person who died, such as their favorite saying, a habit everyone recognized or a picture of them in their element. It brings them into the room immediately.

Should I introduce myself at the start of a eulogy?

Yes, briefly, after your opening line or right before it. Say your name and your relationship. Not everyone in the room knows you, especially at a large funeral.

Do I thank people at the beginning or the end of a eulogy?

If you speak for the family, a short thank-you at the beginning is usual, and a fuller one can come at the end. If you speak as a friend, thanking the family for the chance to speak is enough.

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